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Dear New Homeowner,
Congratulations on purchasing your new home! On behalf of the entire Board of Directors, I would like to welcome you to Whitesdale. As is usually a custom whenever a new member is added to our Whitesdale family, we host a special banquet at Ned Fallner’s (fourth executive vice-cosecretary of Whitesdale’s own Welcoming Committee). You and your family are invited as honored guests to 543 Buleauclace Lane on Sunday, December 17. Please don’t feel inclined to bring anything; food and refreshments will be provided – courtesy of the Whitesdale Community Fund. As part of an introduction to our community, we would also like to get you caught up in the most recent happenings:
A huge thanks goes to our community for the great voter turnout at the semiannual election of the new Whitesdale Community Board of Directors. After the ensuing self-restructure of the Whitesdale Community Committee for the Reorganization and Rewriting of Awful Protocols (WCCRRAP), we now turn our attention to the recent modifications to the Whitesdale Homeowner’s Architectural Guide (HAG). As you may already know, the new WCCRRAP considered the HAG along with several other guidelines, and voted on a few additions to it.
Another big thanks goes to David Simmons for organizing the distribution of this document to the entire community. This requires enormous amounts of dedication and organization. For his work, he has been promoted to supervising vice-cochairman of the Whitesdale Homeowner’s Architectural Review Committee (WHARC), a subset of the WCCRRAP. In all, it will take approximately nine weeks to distribute the new version, but meanwhile, it should be beneficial for all of us to acquaint ourselves with the major changes. Please be advised that, since you are now a homeowner, the Renter’s Architectural Guide (RAG) does no longer apply to you. The HAG differs from the RAG on some decisive issues, particularly ones pertaining to acceptable reference frames for the placement of outdoor children’s toys; however, a draft of Whitesdale’s very first Unified Architectural Guide (UAG) is already pending WCCRRAP approval. We hope that before the end of next year, the UAG will be able to provide us with undisputed and acceptable architectural guidelines for both renters and owners.
The WCCRRAP announced these additions because the previous Whitesdale Community Board actively retarded its monitoring, management, and enforcement of HAG guidelines. In effect, violations of such simple rules as turning off patio lights every morning were prevalent. The most common offenses have been front-end parking, using non-WHARC approved garbage containers, leaving pets ungroomed, putting two or more election signs within an unacceptable distance or angle to each other (see old HAG Sect. 5 Article 37 for proper election sign guidelines), etc. As always, Whitesdale Community tries to maintain a good appearance and uphold the market value of all our homes. If you are found to be in violation of HAG guidelines, you will have at most two days to correct the violation, before you will be billed $14 per day until the violation is corrected.
The following are HAG additions relevant to you:
1) We now only allow type OCSSARG® EMOSEWA™ II or EMOSEWA™ III type grass seed to be used on your lawn (can be picked up at any department store for about $73 to $159 per pound, respectively). If you are still using EMOSEWA™ I, PAEHC™, or GILLIB™ type seed, we ask that you upgrade your grass to an acceptable species as soon as possible. On February 1, 2006, a WHARC inspector will evaluate your lawn and leave a notice if you are in violation.
2) The maximum height of grass has been moved down from 2 1/8 inches to 2 1/32 inches. In addition, the bevel angle on bush trims must stay between 0.54 and 0.63 radians.
3) You now must stop at the Office of Scheduling, conveniently located at 789 Twinkie Nuts lane, to sign up for a time at which you may mow your lawn. The noise of some lawn mowers has been disturbing to community members, and we now allow only one lawn mower to be running at Whitesdale at any time. If you have a lawn mower that emits more than 7.2 dB of ambient noise (a good measure is, if it is louder than the average refrigerator), you will have to get it replaced by a newer, quieter model. Remember that we require you update your lawn mower semi-annually. You can purchase a perfectly acceptable EOJ type lawn mower at the PXE for only $3889.99. Violation of mowing guidelines will result in a $700 fine and impoundment of your machine.
4) A few community members have expressed concern that some bumper stickers exhibited politically oriented statements. In light of this fact, we now mandate that all bumper stickers be removed from the outside of your vehicle and all publicly visible property to prevent further complaints. Failure to remove ALL bumper stickers before February 1, 2006 will result in subsequent towing. (Remember that you give up your first amendment rights upon entering the Whitesdale premises.)
Thank you very much for your time. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to call our office at (888) 555-6543 or send us an email at wccares@whitesdalecommunity.com.au.parc.us. We hope to see you at the party.
Sincerely,
Noma Waszak
Whitesdale Community President